Wait for Me Sasuke
by 3rdMSuser
Summary: Did Itachi really kill his clan to measure his capacity? Come on now, he's not that evil. The true reason, he did it was to protect his male pride. Nobody messes with Itachi's male pride. Will Sasuke ever find out? OOC. Not Yaoi. Oneshot. Rated T in case.


**Greetings! You just stumbled upon an alternative version of why Itachi killed his clan. Everybody's made up his or her own version so here is mine. Enjoy.**

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I would not have made Sasuke so cold hearted, Garra would still be a crazy killer, and Lee would look better.

**Wait for Me Sasuke**

It was a bright beautiful day. Flowers were blooming, butterflies were dancing in the air, and Itachi and Shisui were playing by the Nakano River like usual.

"Hey Itachi, let's see if you can catch me blindfolded."

"If I do, you have to return my Wii."

"Fine, I already beat Twilight Princess." This being agreed upon, Itachi blindfolded himself.

"I'm coming after you at the count of three. One. Two. Thr…WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Itachi angrily hissed as he removed his blindfold. Shisui had pulled Itachi's pants down.

"OMG!!!! Small dick! Hahahaha!!!"

"IT'S NOT SMALL!!!" Itachi angrily retorted.

"Hella small!!!"

"Well, I'm only twelve."

"Millimeters!" Shisui was gasping for breath now. _That was a good one_. He felt like a true Uchiha genius.

"STFU! You're an asshole."

"At least I don't have a small penis!" That was it. Uchiha Itachi had enough. Nobody mocked him that way. Nobody. Itachi killed Shisui and threw his body into the river.

As he watched his friend's body get swept away by the strong current, the painful words echoed in his mind. _At least I don't have a small penis._ "Well at least I'm not dead, bitch!"

Itachi sat in his room thinking about what the police had said, _if you try to hide anything, we'll know right away_. Itachi was not going to let them find out. Nobody will ever know what happened; nobody will ever know why he killed Shisui: nobody will ever know he is tiny. _Is it really that small?_ He pulled his pants down and examined it.

"Puberty is just beginning for me. I'm sure it will get larger, much larger." At that moment, his father barged in his room.

"…"

"…"

"Are you masturb…?"

"No."

"I am very disappointed." With that, Fugaku closed the door and went to seek comfort from Mikoto.

"Our son, he plays with himself!!"

"Sasuke?!" Mikoto cried, "He's so young!"

"Itachi."

"I don't believe it!"

"I saw it with my own two eyes!"

"I do not masturbate!" Itachi declared as he entered his parents' room.

"Did I need to double-check with my sharingan?"

"Look, it wasn't what it seemed like it okay? I was simply checking the size."

"Speaking of which, it was very tiny!"

"I'm twelve!"

"Millimeters!"

"I am your son. You're not being very considerate of my feelings."

"You have feelings?" Mikato gasped.

"Yes mother. Though it may not seem like it, I do have feelings."

"You are the heir to the Uchiha clan. With such a diminutive penis, you will bring shame to the family." Fugaku said.

"Itachi has a small penis?" Itachi turned around to see his annoying cousin Navi, who inherited none of the Uchihas' awesome abilities.

"No. You misheard."

"I must tell the whole clan!" Navi ran out the door yelling "Hey listen! Hey listen!" Itachi was about to silence the annoying brat when his father stopped him.

"Father, this mustn't be made known!"

"You can't kill him just because you have a small dick."

"Dammit! Stop saying it's small!" Itachi loses all sanity and slashes his parents before running out to silence his cousin, but it was too late. As soon as he stepped out of his house, everybody on the street laughed at him.

"Itachi. I never would have guessed. Ahahahaha!!" laughed Uchiha Ganondorf.

"You must be very proud of your deep masculine voice, you grey bastard!" Itachi busted out his mangekyou sharingan trapping Ganondorf in his illusion.

Ganondorf looked down. "Oh no, how did it get small? I can't live anymore!" Having uttered his last words, Ganondorf stabbed himself.

"Who else dares to laugh at me?!" Itachi yelled. To his horror his clan, continued to laugh at him.

"Tiny!"

"I have a bigger one than you, and I'm a girl!"

"He will bring shame to the clan!"

"I'm Spartacus!"

"Millimeters!"

That was when Itachi lost all control of himself. He went about slashing at everyone, and laughing as the blood splattered on his face._ Who's laughing now?! _When he finally killed his whole clan, he decided to slash at chickens.

"Now no one knows about my dirty little secret," Itachi sighed in relief as he sat up high viewing the destruction he had caused. That was when he noticed Sasuke running home. _Awwwww…he's so cute. Hmm…now how will I explain this to him? I know! _Itachi ran to his parents' room to greet his little brother.

"Brother! Father and mother were…" Itachi cut Sasuke off with a shuriken that sliced his arm. _How the hell did I miss? Oh that's right, I don't want to kill him. _

"Brother! What are you doing?"

"Foolish Little Brother. Mangekyou Sharingan!"

"Why?!"

"To measure my capacity." _Oh yes, I'm a genius. That's a great reason to kill my clan. Way better than the real reason._

"To measure your capacity? That was it?!"

"Why else? It's not like I have a small dick…_dope_…tionary…_that was smooth_…testing my capacity is very important to me." _Dammit I thought I rehearsed this_.

"What the hell does this have to do with a dictionary?!"

"Foolish little brother. That's not the point." _Damn he's sharp, I gotta get out of here before I reveal too much._

"I could have gotten you a bigger dictionary."

"That'd be nice, but no thanks. Foolish little brother, if you really wish to kill me, then hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run. Run and cling to life." _Dammit why the hell did I say that?! He'll kill me one day._

"But I love you big brother."

"Hiya!!" Itachi karate chopped Sasuke in the neck, effectively knocking him out. _I love you too little brother. _Itachi cried as he ran off into the night. He ran until he could run no more, and then fell asleep by a tree.

He woke up the next morning, to find that he had completed puberty in one night and now had a whopper. _Stupid Shisui! If only he had pantsed me a couple days later. Then none of this would have happened. _Itachi then decided to seek out princess Zelda. _Surely with the power of the triforce and ocarina of time, I can go back in time and fix things. Wait for me Sasuke._

**Well how was it? I know my writing sucks because I was never good to begin with and haven't written in a while. Anyhow, please review if you did like it. Criticism is okay too.**


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